Jokes

If your problems make you cry
You may take SSRI.

SSRI – selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. (e.g., Zoloft)

...

When I was a small boy, each time I saw a cute living thing, I tried to catch it and take it home. Years passed, and I am still the same, but I cannot afford it now, because once I took one home, she did not let me do it with the others.  

...

Caffeine's lethal dose is about 10 grams. One cup of coffee contains about 0.1 grams of caffeine.
So, you may have 98 cups more. 

...

The worst invention of humankind is the telephone. The best invention is the restriction order. 

...

A boy has been waiting by the elevator for a long time. The security guard is worried about the safety of the young boy. "Are you O.K?' " the guard asks the boy. "I'm just waiting for my gum to come back."...

Two Goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?"...

Q. How do you turn a -Duck,  into a Soul singer?
A. You hold his face in boiling water until it's...Bill Withers!
...

Joy is a character in two of my books in the Suddenly Free series. She roasts her husband at a birthday party:

“George has been adventure to live with. I didn’t know it was going to happen, but George has been like appliances and other handy items that many wives possess, but they aren’t better than my George. For example:

“George is like a mascara—he makes me look good, but runs when I cry.” She looked down at him. He smiled back.

“George is like a copier—he’s been great at reproduction”. His adult children pushed and whacked each other. Someone hooted. George just applauded toward Joy, and raised his eyebrows.

“George is like a place mat. He shows up promptly when there's food on the table.

“George is like a pair of stiletto high heels—they look great on me,” Joy looked at him and winked, “and are very handy in an emergency.

“George is also like a curling iron—always hot and always in my hair.” She looked at Rev. Dunwoody, and said apologetically, with a shrug. “We’re married.”

“George is like coffee—the best ones are rich, warm, strong, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night. And he IS the best!”

...

Peter was walking near the gates of hell one morning. Lucifer noticed him and asked, "What the hell are you doing here?"...

If a parsley farmer is sued - can they garnish his wages?...
Book Of The Day
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Latest Poem

In my Room long ago
I sat so merry in my abode
Loving hands around me
I dreamt of such glorious days
One day i would see

I remember the day I left
My room
I closed the door behind me
One quick look again
Then walked away
The room which would always remind me

The glorious days I had dreamt
I did merrily spent
How little did I then know
Life turns on a dime
My room is now not as it was
When I closed the door
Behind me

My room now is a prison
But not how one would invision
It is one of sorrow and grief
Sadness burns into the bare walls
I catch my breath
And weep

Why did thou'st doth betray?
The room which once embraced me
I ask with riddled heart
Jagged and torn
Which wicked riddles have I thus sought?

I sit still
I am now my room
No dreams as once before
I age before my open door

In my room long ago
I sat merrily in my loving abode
Loving hands did hold me
All gone

My room and myself
Now one
Two thrust to be together
Forever
Alone
View More Poems Read More
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